Limbo

It's been awhile.  I've not updated much this year...partly because anything I said would be telling.  Haha.  Situations have changed (in a good way) but to talk about situations could/would destroy any anonymity I've managed to hang on to and therefore, I've kept it to myself.  I've had feelings and thoughts about the situations and changes that I'd love to hash out but....just bottling it up for a future explosion.  Hah.  That's something I'm really good at doing.

Freedom is a wonderful thing, but as I've said before, after watching plenty of people get a taste of it and then demonstrate their inability to handle it well, Zeke and I have done our best to keep everything in moderation.  That being said, it's a wonderful feeling to not spend all my time trying to keep from offending...to absolutely enjoy going to church again...to be challenged to grow in Christ and not be hammered down for any failings (real or supposed).  I'm not saying it was always that way in the past, but there were certainly times.  It's hard because I love people...even the ones who hammered...and I don't want to do anything to hurt anybody....except that it's almost inevitable even when you work your hardest to keep from it.  Now, my difficulty is watching some of my old friends going through similar things and not being able to say anything because it would look like I was proselytizing.  And in a sense, it could be defined that way, to want people you love to find the same contentment and peace that you've found...but it would come at the cost of hurting others you also love, so it's a little like a rock and a hard place.

The hardest part of situations changing is being in between.  I still wish sometimes that I could make myself put the blinders back on and go back in the box so everything would be easy again...and it would be...but once you've grown up and moved out of the house, it just doesn't work as well again to move back in at mom and dad's...

I know I'm just chattering...it probably doesn't make any sense...I still feel the need to be PC when putting things out there in public (whether anonymously or not).  Maybe down the road when all this is ancient history, I'll get over that.  Or maybe not.  ;o)

Still Kickin’

Yes, I’m still here…still looking for every ounce of common sense that I can find…just haven’t had the time or energy to write about it lately.  But I will get back to it sometime soon.  I hope.  =) 

Questions With No Answers

Ever get to the place where your questions have questions?  Yeah.  I’m there.  Haha…only thing I can do is laugh because I hate to cry. 

Seriously though, when all you get for your research is more questions, it gets very discouraging.  It would be so much easier to just crawl back in the box I came out of and accept everything I’m told and live by the rules that make no sense…ignorance is bliss. 

And then I just can’t make myself do it.  I mean, I still live by the rules in a sense, because I still go to a place where that’s just what you have to do, and out of respect for them (because, I really do love and respect them), while I’m there, I do follow most of the rules.  But I just can’t quite make myself agree with them.  And it’s really hard to come to grips with that. 

I’m trying, but…wow is it ever tough. 

And Thus It Begins

Nothing like trying to be respectful of others in your disagreement on issues that are less than important and getting bashed for it.

Zeke and I are trying to continue to be respectful of others who are so easily offended while yet taking our best shot at being who, what, and where God wants us to be…it’s such a hard balance to find.

Some people you just can’t please, and some people get offended over nothing. Amazes me, really.

So here we are again…the question is, how long will our name be mud this time?

Thank God for freedom…I’m so glad I don’t have to spend all my time casting judgment on everyone else’s actions anymore. Now I’m praying that THEY find the same freedom. In the meantime, being a permanent missionary to a foreign country is looking better and better all the time.

Perhaps God’s got an opening in…say…Hawaii?

You Gotta Be Kiddin’

I think God must think I need some kinda help in the love and patience department because he keeps throwing all these people at me that make me firing mad. 

GEEESH.  People need a life.  And I’m gonna need therapy and medication if God doesn’t quit throwing these people in mine! 

Come on, people need to quit worrying about who’s doing what and how that “offends” them.  If they only knew how much people are restraining themselves around them in order to NOT offend them….and yet they STILL find the littlest things to nitpick and get all humped up over….heavenly Father, they would condemn us to the pit for our TRUE opinions! 

Lord, help me…some days I would love to find a completely uninhabited island and live there alone forever.  And the rest of the days, I would love to find an island where I could stash all those people who make me feel that way. 

*deep breath* 

Okay.  Vent over. 

*deep breath* 

for now….

Anyone know of a good therapist?  Evidently talking to God about this is making things worse….lol.  (No offense, God…but I’d really appreciate a few LESS of the irritating people in my life….isn’t there a better way to get love and patience?)

Be Not Conformed

I had to study this one out.  Found this one on a recorded message and in theory (as in, in the scripture), the point is good.  In the translation (as in, in the message) it was…well…. 

According to the message, conformed to the world means following the standards of anything that the world holds in high esteem.  Also stated was that if the devil is using something in the world to promote evil/ungodliness, you better avoid it and not be “conformed” to it. 

My issue is this: If a tool can be used for good, why should you abandon it to the devil?  That message was recorded for the internet which is used EVERY SINGLE DAY by the devil, FOR EVIL THINGS.  Hello!  So how can you say that you have to avoid everything that the devil is using?  I mean, really?  Maybe I am too technical about things, but cars are used for drug deals…so we have to avoid cars in order to not be conformed to the world?  How about using your car to get to work to support your family?  I’m a little confused by the idea that you can’t do anything if the world thinks it is good.  Should that really matter?

^{Romans 12:2} And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Wouldn’t it be, that if you have a renewed mind (through Christ), and doing the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, you are automatically not conformed to the world because their priority isn’t the will of God, and things they do aren’t through a renewed mind?

In Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary for this verse, he says:

The great enemy to this renewal is, conformity to this world. Take heed of forming plans for happiness, as though it lay in the things of this world, which soon pass away. Do not fall in with the customs of those who walk in the lusts of the flesh, and mind earthly things. The work of the Holy Ghost first begins in the understanding, and is carried on to the will, affections, and conversation, till there is a change of the whole man into the likeness of God, in knowledge, righteousness, and true holiness. Thus, to be godly, is to give up ourselves to God.

What I get out of that is that the issue is in balance and priorities.  If your mind is renewed in Christ, you’re not seeking to be “like the world” in your actions, spirit, behaviors, your first goal is what God wants for you.  Our happiness is to be found in God, not in seeking after temporary pleasures.  But there’s a balance to it, I don’t think God wants to take away all things that might be fun or enjoyable, He just wants us to seek Him first. 

Matthew 6:32-33
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

All these things being “worldly things” like clothes, food, etc…he didn’t say they were evil, he said they would all be added to you, but you just have to seek God first.   

So You Washed My Feet…

but what did you do with my Holy Kiss?

Footwashing & Communion are New Testament ordinances we have to follow but greeting one another with a holy kiss is not.

I’m not sure what to do with this one. I personally think that Jesus was simply wanting his disciples to remember his sacrifice and to humbly serve each other. Washing feet was a common biblical practice—they didn’t have cars and they walked everywhere—and it was something the servants did for you.

In today’s world, servitude and humility in serving can take on different practices. Today, I would be more embarrassed to have Jesus scrub my toilet than for Him to wash my feet. And to me, washing someone’s feet in the footwashing service isn’t as big a deal as going over to their house and helping them clean, or scrubbing the toilets at the church building, or allowing someone to come help do my dirty laundry. To me, it’s more of a sacrifice of love and humility to perform or receive THOSE serving tasks than to wash someone’s feet.

However, Jesus DID say “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.” (John 13:14) So again, it’s one of those things that I wonder if we’re supposed to take it literally or just simply in theory.

This goes with communion as well, He said “this do in remembrance of me” but was He literally saying that we have to eat unleavened bread and drink grape juice a couple of times a year? If so, then why don’t we observe the rest of the Passover then since that is what they were originally gathering for? Or was He meaning that when you eat, to remember His sacrifice for us and thank Him for our food? I’m just not sure I quite get it.

Especially since, IF we’re supposed to take the NT ordinances literally, then that totally kills the whole "handshake greeting" for your brother’s and sisters in Christ. 2 Corinthians 13:12 is pretty plain on that one: Greet one another with an holy kiss. And you’ll notice the writer didn’t say only brothers to brothers and sisters to sisters. ONE ANOTHER, PEOPLE! And those church folks are all about no HUGGING opposite genders!! Actually, we’re supposed to be KISSING them. ;o)

Hmmmm.