Limbo

It's been awhile.  I've not updated much this year...partly because anything I said would be telling.  Haha.  Situations have changed (in a good way) but to talk about situations could/would destroy any anonymity I've managed to hang on to and therefore, I've kept it to myself.  I've had feelings and thoughts about the situations and changes that I'd love to hash out but....just bottling it up for a future explosion.  Hah.  That's something I'm really good at doing.

Freedom is a wonderful thing, but as I've said before, after watching plenty of people get a taste of it and then demonstrate their inability to handle it well, Zeke and I have done our best to keep everything in moderation.  That being said, it's a wonderful feeling to not spend all my time trying to keep from offending...to absolutely enjoy going to church again...to be challenged to grow in Christ and not be hammered down for any failings (real or supposed).  I'm not saying it was always that way in the past, but there were certainly times.  It's hard because I love people...even the ones who hammered...and I don't want to do anything to hurt anybody....except that it's almost inevitable even when you work your hardest to keep from it.  Now, my difficulty is watching some of my old friends going through similar things and not being able to say anything because it would look like I was proselytizing.  And in a sense, it could be defined that way, to want people you love to find the same contentment and peace that you've found...but it would come at the cost of hurting others you also love, so it's a little like a rock and a hard place.

The hardest part of situations changing is being in between.  I still wish sometimes that I could make myself put the blinders back on and go back in the box so everything would be easy again...and it would be...but once you've grown up and moved out of the house, it just doesn't work as well again to move back in at mom and dad's...

I know I'm just chattering...it probably doesn't make any sense...I still feel the need to be PC when putting things out there in public (whether anonymously or not).  Maybe down the road when all this is ancient history, I'll get over that.  Or maybe not.  ;o)