Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Limbo
Freedom is a wonderful thing, but as I've said before, after watching plenty of people get a taste of it and then demonstrate their inability to handle it well, Zeke and I have done our best to keep everything in moderation. That being said, it's a wonderful feeling to not spend all my time trying to keep from offending...to absolutely enjoy going to church again...to be challenged to grow in Christ and not be hammered down for any failings (real or supposed). I'm not saying it was always that way in the past, but there were certainly times. It's hard because I love people...even the ones who hammered...and I don't want to do anything to hurt anybody....except that it's almost inevitable even when you work your hardest to keep from it. Now, my difficulty is watching some of my old friends going through similar things and not being able to say anything because it would look like I was proselytizing. And in a sense, it could be defined that way, to want people you love to find the same contentment and peace that you've found...but it would come at the cost of hurting others you also love, so it's a little like a rock and a hard place.
The hardest part of situations changing is being in between. I still wish sometimes that I could make myself put the blinders back on and go back in the box so everything would be easy again...and it would be...but once you've grown up and moved out of the house, it just doesn't work as well again to move back in at mom and dad's...
I know I'm just chattering...it probably doesn't make any sense...I still feel the need to be PC when putting things out there in public (whether anonymously or not). Maybe down the road when all this is ancient history, I'll get over that. Or maybe not. ;o)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Questions With No Answers
Ever get to the place where your questions have questions? Yeah. I’m there. Haha…only thing I can do is laugh because I hate to cry.
Seriously though, when all you get for your research is more questions, it gets very discouraging. It would be so much easier to just crawl back in the box I came out of and accept everything I’m told and live by the rules that make no sense…ignorance is bliss.
And then I just can’t make myself do it. I mean, I still live by the rules in a sense, because I still go to a place where that’s just what you have to do, and out of respect for them (because, I really do love and respect them), while I’m there, I do follow most of the rules. But I just can’t quite make myself agree with them. And it’s really hard to come to grips with that.
I’m trying, but…wow is it ever tough.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
And Thus It Begins
Nothing like trying to be respectful of others in your disagreement on issues that are less than important and getting bashed for it.
Zeke and I are trying to continue to be respectful of others who are so easily offended while yet taking our best shot at being who, what, and where God wants us to be…it’s such a hard balance to find.
Some people you just can’t please, and some people get offended over nothing. Amazes me, really.
So here we are again…the question is, how long will our name be mud this time?
Thank God for freedom…I’m so glad I don’t have to spend all my time casting judgment on everyone else’s actions anymore. Now I’m praying that THEY find the same freedom. In the meantime, being a permanent missionary to a foreign country is looking better and better all the time.
Perhaps God’s got an opening in…say…Hawaii?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Be Not Conformed
I had to study this one out. Found this one on a recorded message and in theory (as in, in the scripture), the point is good. In the translation (as in, in the message) it was…well….
According to the message, conformed to the world means following the standards of anything that the world holds in high esteem. Also stated was that if the devil is using something in the world to promote evil/ungodliness, you better avoid it and not be “conformed” to it.
My issue is this: If a tool can be used for good, why should you abandon it to the devil? That message was recorded for the internet which is used EVERY SINGLE DAY by the devil, FOR EVIL THINGS. Hello! So how can you say that you have to avoid everything that the devil is using? I mean, really? Maybe I am too technical about things, but cars are used for drug deals…so we have to avoid cars in order to not be conformed to the world? How about using your car to get to work to support your family? I’m a little confused by the idea that you can’t do anything if the world thinks it is good. Should that really matter?
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Wouldn’t it be, that if you have a renewed mind (through Christ), and doing the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, you are automatically not conformed to the world because their priority isn’t the will of God, and things they do aren’t through a renewed mind?
In Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary for this verse, he says:
The great enemy to this renewal is, conformity to this world. Take heed of forming plans for happiness, as though it lay in the things of this world, which soon pass away. Do not fall in with the customs of those who walk in the lusts of the flesh, and mind earthly things. The work of the Holy Ghost first begins in the understanding, and is carried on to the will, affections, and conversation, till there is a change of the whole man into the likeness of God, in knowledge, righteousness, and true holiness. Thus, to be godly, is to give up ourselves to God.
What I get out of that is that the issue is in balance and priorities. If your mind is renewed in Christ, you’re not seeking to be “like the world” in your actions, spirit, behaviors, your first goal is what God wants for you. Our happiness is to be found in God, not in seeking after temporary pleasures. But there’s a balance to it, I don’t think God wants to take away all things that might be fun or enjoyable, He just wants us to seek Him first.
Matthew 6:32-33
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
All these things being “worldly things” like clothes, food, etc…he didn’t say they were evil, he said they would all be added to you, but you just have to seek God first.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
So You Washed My Feet…
but what did you do with my Holy Kiss?
Footwashing & Communion are New Testament ordinances we have to follow but greeting one another with a holy kiss is not.
I’m not sure what to do with this one. I personally think that Jesus was simply wanting his disciples to remember his sacrifice and to humbly serve each other. Washing feet was a common biblical practice—they didn’t have cars and they walked everywhere—and it was something the servants did for you.
In today’s world, servitude and humility in serving can take on different practices. Today, I would be more embarrassed to have Jesus scrub my toilet than for Him to wash my feet. And to me, washing someone’s feet in the footwashing service isn’t as big a deal as going over to their house and helping them clean, or scrubbing the toilets at the church building, or allowing someone to come help do my dirty laundry. To me, it’s more of a sacrifice of love and humility to perform or receive THOSE serving tasks than to wash someone’s feet.
However, Jesus DID say “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.” (John 13:14) So again, it’s one of those things that I wonder if we’re supposed to take it literally or just simply in theory.
This goes with communion as well, He said “this do in remembrance of me” but was He literally saying that we have to eat unleavened bread and drink grape juice a couple of times a year? If so, then why don’t we observe the rest of the Passover then since that is what they were originally gathering for? Or was He meaning that when you eat, to remember His sacrifice for us and thank Him for our food? I’m just not sure I quite get it.
Especially since, IF we’re supposed to take the NT ordinances literally, then that totally kills the whole "handshake greeting" for your brother’s and sisters in Christ. 2 Corinthians 13:12 is pretty plain on that one: Greet one another with an holy kiss. And you’ll notice the writer didn’t say only brothers to brothers and sisters to sisters. ONE ANOTHER, PEOPLE! And those church folks are all about no HUGGING opposite genders!! Actually, we’re supposed to be KISSING them. ;o)
Hmmmm.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Hmmm
It is really hard to find pictures of modest jeans. Mostly because people tend to wear them two sizes too small for the purpose of showing off their rear instead of trying to be modest. Haha.
The point of this post being that skirts can be just as immodest, but it’s just never looked at that way…I’m not sure why. As long as it’s long enough and the slits are below the knee, nobody ever talks about skirts being immodest. Even though sometimes they can be designed or styled in ways that highlight all of a woman’s best physical aspects. Haha.
Anyway, I’m still thinking about this one. I really like the look of skirts, and there are a lot of cute skirts out there…I’m for sticking with them because I personally think they look—how do I put this without sounding awful and completely immodest…haha—but I think they look much better on me and as far as fashion goes, I like the statement. Haha. But for hanging out and doing chores and that sort of thing, I have to say, pants are wayyyy more convenient and comfortable.
So…that’s what was on my mind this morning.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Respect or Hypocrisy?
I was reading some of those thoughts that I referred to in my last post but didn’t want to link to because of the underlying attitude. One of them was a topic along the lines of “Hypocriting” and I’ll paraphrase, but the basic thought was: If you are part of a group that has certain rules by which its members are expected to live by, you shouldn’t break the rules when you’re away from the group because that’s lying. By living by the rules when you’re with the group and living by a different set of rules when you’re away from them, that’s living a double standard. And if you don’t live/believe the rules, condemning others who don’t live by those rules is hypocritical.
To a certain extent, I think the statements above, summarizing the topic, have a certain amount of truth in them, particularly the last one. I think if you’re verbally telling people that you believe the rules are what gets you into heaven, then turning around and breaking those rules and still claiming that you’re going to get into heaven, and at the same time condemning people who aren’t living those rules, then in essence, you ARE holding a double standard.
HOWEVER, attending a church does not necessarily mean that you agree with everything that takes place or is taught.
I can go to the store for milk. The store also sells spam, that doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it. Just because I shop at the store does not mean I’m putting my approval on everything they sell, even if every time I go in, they’re promoting spam. But let’s say they make it a requirement for membership that you buy a can of spam every time you shop. Just because I go to the store to get milk and come home with the milk and the required can of spam does not mean I’m going to eat it when I get home. Does that make me a hypocrite? Well, I could just shop at a different store, but that particular store has a certain variety that I haven’t been able to find somewhere else. So you live with the differences, respect the store manager, and disagree in private. Maybe not the perfect solution, but it’s workable until you run out of cabinet space for Spam. Haha.
Maybe that’s a strange example but I think it gets the point across.
Can I say I haven’t been looking for another place to shop? Well…no, I can’t say that, but as long as I’m shopping there, while I’m there, I’ll follow the crazy rules. :o)
The definition of respect: deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment
The definition of Hypocrisy: a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.
I think the difference is that we do not judge or condemn or even amen the “crazy rules” that we do not believe. We don’t hide, but neither do we flaunt our disagreements. Out of respect for others convictions, we do what we do. Now the time may come when we are no longer shopping at that store, and at that time, if others convictions are no longer hindering us, we may live publicly a little differently, but that time is not here yet.
I base this reasoning on Romans 14. The entire chapter is good, but specifically these verses:
19Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
20For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.
21It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
22Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.
23And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.
In this commentary by John Darby on the 14th chapter, he says:
Many important principles are brought forward in these exhortations. Every one shall give account of himself to God. Everyone, in these cases, should be fully persuaded in his own mind, and should not judge another. If any one has faith that delivers him from traditional observances, and he sees them to be absolutely nothing-as indeed they are-let him have his faith for God, and not cause his brother to stumble.
I think that sums it up nicely.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Vanity = Sin?
Vanity: something that is vain, empty, or valueless
Ecc. 1:2 - Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
ALL is vanity.
Everything in life including life itself, according to Solomon—the wisest of all, is vanity. That leads me to the conclusion that vanity is not sin. It can’t be, because if life is vanity, and vanity is sin, then by extension, Jesus would have sinned because He had life, and He didn’t sin.
Jesus is what fills the emptiness. Without Him, all that’s left is vanity. But with Him, if He’s first, then life—and all that’s in it—is not simple vanity.
Maybe because Christ hadn’t come yet, this is why Solomon wrote that all was vanity? You can’t find joy, peace, or contentment in empty things, that’s in Christ.
Solomon was pretty extensive in his lists of what was vanity. According to him, WORK is vanity, so should everyone quit their jobs? Uh…NO. Solomon even said that WISDOM was vanity. And wisdom is a very good thing. I could probably use a little more of it. :-)
I think my whole point here is that everything is labeled vanity and therefore sin. Everything IS vanity. But that doesn’t mean it’s sin. Somehow, I keep missing that point in the messages. It seems like whenever people can't exactly label things sin, they label those things as vanity and imply that they're still wrong.
Well anyway, I may or may not come back later and tweak these thoughts. Zeke is exhausted and I’m pretty ready for bed myself. I don’t think I quite conveyed the thought perfectly, but I’m tired and I wanted to get some of it out of my head. I had a bunch of drafts that I accidentally deleted, too, that I need to come back and get my brain untangled over again. Haha.
In time. I’ll probably be back here more soon…got a lot on my mind again.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Random Thoughts
How many of our thoughts are actually “speakable?”
In any given church service, if we took the time to document every thought that went through our mind…well, I know I was surprised at just how un-focused I can be…and at the fact that I wouldn’t be able to say a good many of them out loud because they weren’t very nice. Yikes.
For instance: in a little over an hour of sermon, I filled up front and back of a sheet of paper and then was scribbling all in the margins. Random quotes from the sermon that were of interest or that sparked other thoughts, random thoughts that just popped into my head, etc…
Quite the interesting experiment, to say the least!
Italics is what someone else said, regular font is what I was thinking.
- “Our opinion doesn’t matter. We need to live what Christ teaches.” What if it’s not our opinion though? What if what we’re living is someone else’s opinion/man’s tradition and not what the Bible teaches?
- Man, my stomach is growling.
- Oops. Can’t write this one down.
- “Women get all their divine revelations from Walmart.” No, they don’t. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a divine revelation from Walmart.
- …depends on how they say it. If they do it in a joking manner. Reminds me of that person that said one time about how at least half of what you say in jesting you actually mean…
- rebuke…all longsuffering…(referencing Timothy) patience. Rebuke…longsuffering…meaning to be patient and not be ready with an instant rebuke?
- “We don’t have a ministry – it’s the ministry of Christ. We just need to pick up His ministry and carry it on…further it.” So instead of looking for a new ministry, we just look around to see what’s being left off, and pick it up and further it?
- Where’s he going with this?
- It’s funny how I filter my thoughts when I’m paying attention to them.
- Why does he always look at me when he asks those kinds of questions?
- Woop. Can’t write that one down.
- Yeah, no kidding on that one!
- Good grief! Some people’s….um…never mind.
- “…one time can change things for you for the rest of your life.” Yeah, no kidding about that…can’t write the rest of that thought down…
- Wonder when the last time he was in a movie theater…that stuff doesn’t happen anymore.
- Uh-oh. Got me there.
- Amen. It’s almost 8 and I’m hungry!
- Uhm…yeah! No kiddin!
- “My tummy’s growlin, cuz it’s hungry.” (that one was Wilbur) Uh, yeah buddy, I know the feelin!
- Uh-oh…so I guess thinking about how much they annoy me instead of how much I love them is not such a pure thought.
- Whatsoever things are…lovely, pure….etc…
- “When we come to church and the service is draggy, it’s because of what we’re allowing to go through our minds.”
- Hmm…so if I’m thinking about how I can’t write some of this on my blog, then I probably don’t want to hear what God would think about it. But then, I think maybe people are more offended by things than God is…
- “…WWJD is actually a GOOD thought.” I wonder if it should be WWJT (what would Jesus THINK?) =)
- I’m not starchy. Much.
- No kiddin, there’s hypocrites in the church.
- Yeah, you promised that a good half hour ago…I don’t think that thought has made it to your heart yet because you’re still going….
Hmmmmm…interesting experiment. Kept me occupied all service….lol.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Un-Stuck
Well, in regards to a previous post, it’s beginning to make a little more sense. I have to admit that I haven’t been studying lately like I should have been, mostly because it’s easier to simply believe what I’ve always believed if I don’t try to study it out. But I have started picking back up on the studying…very slowly. That, with some quality intelligent conversation with other people (not necessarily people in agreement with my unusual opinions), has cleared up some of the confusion.
The crazy rules are still crazy. There are a lot of things the church does and teaches that doesn’t make sense. But I have to agree with Zeke, in that it’s important to focus on “what really matters!” And what DOES really matter?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. (Matthew 22:37-40)
A lot of this other stuff? Well, it doesn’t really matter. How does making up illogical rules play into loving God with all your heart? Does it help you love your neighbor more? Well, then who really cares? Are we in this thing to keep the church happy or to win souls for God and keep Him happy? And is what the church teaches REALLY what God is focusing on?
But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. (Matthew 15:9)
In this specific instance, Jesus was talking about a particular tradition that the Pharisees had about washing hands before they ate, but it still makes sense…and farther down:
But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man. (Matthew 15:18-20)
So you’re not accused of sin today because you eat without washing your hands, but a lot of these crazy rules are pointed toward what your outside looks like. And we don’t spend a whole lot of time talking about the inside…what REALLY matters is that your heart is right.
Bitterness? Attitudes? Gossip? Don’t hear much about that…those are acceptable sins…even though those are the ones that the Bible is PLAIN and CLEAR about…
Your hair must have dead ends and never be cut, the skirts have to be 5 inches below the knee, and heaven forbid you enhance your appearance in any way, or have a television in your house…none of which are specifically wrong according to the Bible, but yet, THAT is what we preach about and focus on?
What REALLY matters? I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel like I need to worry more about pleasing God with my HEART instead of being so concerned with staying inside that box of rules that the church teaches.
Again, don’t get me wrong, I’m not throwing out all of it, I still believe modesty is Biblical, but I’m all about balance and logic and I don’t think it’s quite been achieved yet.
And that’s where I am. Not looking for excuses to change, or even really changing much even though I don’t see things the same way anymore, I’m just looking for what really matters. And praying that God helps me find it.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Facebook Drama
This has nothing to do with doctrinal issues, but I just have to have a moment to vent. I'm so disgusted with people lately. And this is definitely one of those things you cannot say with your name attached to it because then people know exactly who you’re talking about.
WHY? I just need to know why people think it’s okay to post Bible verses as your status in response to something else that has been stated or posted? And then say it was something that was on your mind and not directed at specific people…? Really? So if someone JUST said it and then you JUST mention it in your status along with a scripture beating up on it, how is it NOT in response to that specific person? If preachers aren’t supposed to preach sermons AT specific people and use scripture to bash them up, what makes you think throwing scriptures at people on facebook is any better? UGH! And the worst part is it's not just one person...it's a growing habit... :o(
Do you know how bad I want to post some Bible verses of my own?
How about this one:
But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters. (1 Peter 4:15)
Or maybe:
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. (Matthew 18:15)
Wow, it’s so tempting. But then I'd be just like them and I refuse.
But back to Matthew 18:15…you know, if you have a problem with someone doing something, tell them personally, don't make it your status on Facebook and get drama all started up!
And when it comes to "telling them personally," I know we don't ALWAYS go personally to people we have issues with, sometimes for good reasons, but announcing those issues in your status on Facebook is like walking into a crowded room and screaming out your problem with that person. I don’t think that could be called private by any sense of the imagination.
I’m not perfect, and I know we all do stupid from time to time, it just seems like this is becoming a popular way of doing stupid…and it irritates the FIRE out of me.
PS In both situations where it involved us, we talked to the people about it, so we're clear. Haha.
This topic is just something that seems to be growing in popularity and these “obscure” and “veiled” references to people using scripture or quotes is just annoying. I don’t get on Facebook to get a sermon about every thing and every one that you disagree with. Ugh.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Stuck.
I don’t know what to say. I’m kind of at a loss. I’m not sure I want to say some things out loud…even though no one I know (well besides my friend, Elle) reads this, I’m just afraid that if I put more of these common sense things in writing…I’m going to influence people to worldliness. Because everything I’ve always been taught tells me that this type of thinking is nothing BUT worldliness.
And not just everything I’ve always been taught…everything that’s STILL taught in the church I STILL go to…
And of course, I don’t want to be the influence that helps turn people to worldliness. That’s not what I’m after at all.
I’m just not sure anymore. Everything from the pulpit these days is hammering hard on how all these “crazy rules” are true and we should follow them, and I don’t understand how they can say it’s GOD when there’s nothing in the Bible to back it up. But at the same time, they sincerely believe it, and I’ve always been taught it, so it’s hard to just discard it as just man’s opinion.
But then when I study, I’m having a hard time with that, too, because the only thing that happens is I find more questions. I don’t know. I really just don’t know.
I feel kind of stuck. This is just where I am.
This verse stood out to me this last week:
Isaiah 54:10
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.
According to the last verse of that chapter, He was referring to the servants of the Lord, so…hopefully He will include me on that promise.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Sunday Musings
It seems like every time I go to church these days, whether it was a great service or one of them tight and dry ones, I always come home with an urge to vent out some anonymous thoughts.
For starters, when I walked in this morning I got the handshake and the question. You know the one, comes right after the “How are you today, Sister?” Goes something like “Everything okay? You sure?” and is accompanied by the serious, intense look.
It works really well. I went on in to the sanctuary feeling even more like a terrible backslider (or at least one well on her way) and I haven’t done anything except ask questions and seek the truth.
The tough part is that I love all those people. And I know that if I don’t abide by that “list of rules” those relationships will take a drastic turn. I’m not trying to change, I’m trying to understand. Maybe that’s changing me.
All I know is that everything I was raised to believe tells me that if I don’t believe and follow the “old ways” without question then I am indeed a backslider and I don’t know how to get away from that even when the truth is looking more and more like something different. Especially when all we hear is that God wants to take away this and take away that and if you back up on anything, you’re not walking in all the light and that makes it sin for you. Is asking questions and trying to understand and make sense of these things “backing up on truth?” Well, apparently it is, if you aren’t coming up with their answers.
I just need to understand. I need to know what God wants. And then I’ll be more than happy to do it. I’m just having serious doubts that what a man says is “God’s List of Do’s and Do Not’s” really is GOD’S list…
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Where Do We Go From Here?
Where does all this come from? Why do we do what we do? Why are we told to go study out the “list of rules” we are taught but then when we do and find something different or that what we are taught doesn’t make sense, we are still expected to blindly follow or else suffer the consequences.
Now maybe the consequences aren’t so severe as to exact a complete ex-communication, but in a manner of speaking, maybe it is. You get the label of backslider. If you continue to attend the congregation, you will be the focus of the altar calls, and you can no longer take part in the services as anything other than a bystander (unless you want to participate by going to the altar at altar call).
But on the other hand, as long as you’re (by all appearances) blindly following the “list of rules” which make you “saved,” then you will never be allowed to resign any of the roles in service of which you participate (without suffering through altar calls and sermons on taking up your cross and doing the job God has for you). God can never call you to anything else and if you feel that He is, you would be mistaken. So it would seem, that the only way to move on to what God is calling you to do, that you must get kicked out of your participation. I'm seriously not bitter about it, just confused.
Why does it all have to be so difficult. Why do PEOPLE have to be so difficult. And where do we go from here? Do we keep following the senseless rules so that we can keep our standing with people even though it’s not people’s opinion that makes you saved? Or do we drop it all and simply follow God even though it may mean the people label us as backsliders? Can we do both? My gut says there’s a pretty big fork in the road ahead and and my question remains…where do we go from here?
I don’t think I’m really doing so good on spelling out exactly what I’m thinking but…this has been another post from my rambling subconscious.
Sophie, out.