Seeking The Balance

Being brought up in a very conservative environment, certain ways and thought patterns have kinda been ingrained into me.  Many things just WERE, and many times without any real basis.  Just because. 

And those who didn’t do or look like we did…well, they were all sinners.  And if they were “church-goers” and didn’t do or look like we did, there was “righteous judgment” reserved for those poor individuals (except it was always shared with other holy righteous ones, rarely spoken to God about, and almost NEVER shared with the offender).  Heaven forbid we remember that gossip is also a sin. 

As I have gotten older and slightly more open-minded (that fact alone would reserve some pretty harsh judgment for me, I’m afraid), I have tried to study out the things that we have always been taught.  The studying (along with some common sense) has raised many questions. 

A lot of questions that the standard jargon just doesn’t adequately answer.  And one person even told me that when you start questioning the “old ways” you’ve already lost anything you ever had. 

See what I mean about the “righteous” judgment thing?  You don’t even have to DO differently, just have a few doubts about it and you can still qualify for a healthy dose of judgmentalism.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees…it’s easy to see all the negative aspects of it, and the people who are haters, and the rules that don’t make sense.  It’s not all negatives.  But when a person is seeking the balance and there’s a load of negative on one side, it’s difficult not to automatically compensate by leaning toward the other.   

This is another reason for the opening of this blog.  To clear my mind and vent some of my thoughts, frustrations, and questions without invoking the wrath and judgment of the close-minded ones who may read my real life blog. 

I feel a little alone because although I have talked to Zeke and a few other close friends about this, at this point, no one I know has this blog address or knows I’m attached to it.  But God does.  And I know I’m never truly alone.  Most of the time that’s comforting.  LOL. 

God, please clear my thoughts and help me find YOUR balance.  Not what I’ve always been taught, not what everybody around me says, but what you say.  Thanks Lord.